My Core Convictions Since Following Jesus.
TRIGGER WARNING: some of the content in this blog post may be triggering to some. Including the occult/witchcraft, SA, porn, etc. Proceed with caution.
I first spoke about this on my TikTok and after praying about it, I decided it should be spoken about here and in depth. Video Link below:
Before I start this, I wanted to point out that what came easy for me to stop might come hard for someone else and vice versa. There is sin that I still struggle with just as much as the next person. You are loved and redeemed in Christ, and I’m by no means condoning sin, we should strive to live sin free.. but the facts are.. we live in a sinful world and we are sinful people. Nonetheless.. Jesus LOVES you and He died on the cross for your sins.. AND mine. We all have our own convictions, where some things are black and white that none of us should be partaking in.. there are also personal convictions.
“She was one way and now she’s different.”
“How can she proclaim this way when she was living completely different yesterday?”
“She’s a hypocrite.. she can’t be a REAL Christian.”
“She practiced witchcraft, she can’t be saved now..”
Do people truly change when they are born again? I like to believe so, if you’ve truly given your heart, mind and soul over to Christ you’re GUARANTEED to change from the inside out. At least that’s what happened to me.
So.. after living in sin my entire life, how did I just “GIVE” it all up?
That’s an easy answer.. I DIDN’T, Jesus changed me. He convicted me. I remember it happened so quickly, it was almost as if I was living one way and the next day I was living in TRUTH. It’s not easy to admit the sin I was living in for so long, we like to show everyone the best version of ourselves, not out of pride.. out of fear of letting Christ down. For me, I felt that if I wasn’t showing my best that people would think I was a hypocrite and that I would help turn others away from Jesus more than turn them towards Him. Trust is, we will always fall short and there’s nothing we can do about that. The best thing we can do is wake up every day and strive to live for Him, stay in The Word and in prayer. Show others the love and grace that Jesus has shown every single one of us.
I pray that as you read these words, that they bring you comfort, to know that everyone struggles with sin. I pray that from this, we will start to hold each other accountable in GENTLENESS and LOVE. That’s what Jesus does for us everyday. I pray that you know His mercies are new every morning for the days that were a struggle or a “fail”. I pray that you know He sees you and He loves you, leaning on Him for everything. Amen.
NEW AGE AND WITCHCRAFT
This was the EASIEST one to give up. I felt a conviction about this immediately. I spent so many years trying to fill a void only Jesus could fill. I spent many years in the occult, worshiping false gods, allowing evil into my life with tarot cards, sage, crystals, and psychics/mediums. I casted spells and workshopped evil beings. I truly thought it was “bringing me peace” but it was only bringing me sorrow and despair. Every time I did a spell, worshipped a false god, or tried to call on something that didn’t belong near me or my loved ones.. I was left feeling even more empty and broken than I was before. I spent my days looking for answers in all the wrong places. Trying to find meaning in a meaningless way of life.
I wouldn’t say that there’s been temptation to get back into occult, but it’s so easy to slip back into that old lifestyle if you aren’t careful, the enemy loves to blur the lines between the way God intends for us to live and what he does to deceive us, that can look like what God says is true, but it isn’t. Here are some ways I’m able to stay away from it:
- God’s word: And not just reading, truly studying it. Researching about it and understanding context. Asking questions to my friends and church community who have been Christians longer than me.
- Staying away from any shows, books, etc that have any form of witchcraft, occult, divination, etc. Some people may think this is a bit much, but I was so fascinated with entertainment like that as a teenager and adult, it was exciting for me and it was part of the reason that I kept going back into new age practices. Keeping it out of my home now is non-negotiable. I’m picky about what my kids watch even more so, their little minds are so fragile, and the stuff they consumed truly does play a part in their behavior and the way they will see and view the world growing up.
- Staying away from friends in the occult: i think this might have been the hardest one for me, i never wanted to give up the people i loved dearly nor did i want to hurt anyone and make them think that i was better than them. We’re all sinners and we will always fall short. But, Once you get out of the new age practices, it’s hard to be around the people who are still involved in every way. I was going one way, and they were going another. I knew that in order for me to grow, I had to give up friendships and in part, I gained so many new ones.
There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you.
Deuteronomy 18:10-12
Swearing/cursing
The Bible clearly states to not let any corrupt talk come out of our mouths. I was truly convicted right away about the way I spoke, to myself, and especially to others. I had a sailors mouth, every other word that came out of my mouth was a curse word. Crude talk was another, and dirty jokes. All were a part of my daily life, and I was okay with it. I said what I wanted, when I wanted and I took no consideration for those around me. Honestly, there’s nothing I did that made me stop until I accepted Jesus into my heart. The Holy Spirit convicted me, every time after that I went to talk in a manner that wasn’t pleasing to God I stopped, or I was convicted right after about the words I spoke. I no longer had an interest to talk the way I did, it actually disgusted me to even think like that, let alone allow it to come out of my mouth.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.
Matthew 12:36–37
Gossiping
Do we think about how our words can bring life and death upon someone? Or how our words are able to shape how one views themselves? God has to work with me everyday about this. For so long I was so lost and angry within myself I made it a point to take the light off of me and my problems, and put it on other people. I talked about their problems, their pasts, issues, etc. it truly made me feel better about myself and the trials I was enduring in that moment. I had deep rooted issues that I needed to work on, and in avoiding doing so.. I placed my focus on other people instead of working on myself. The Lord truly humbled me with this, the way I spoke about people and how I handled when people were gossiping about other people to me. Some days it’s hard, it’s so easy to be pulled into it. You’ll start doing it without even realizing it. I have to be careful with who I surround myself around and the way they speak. I won’t say I’m perfect, and that I haven’t slipped up from time to time. But I know that God works in me everyday, His mercies are new every morning. That I’m sure of.
Things that help to stay accountable:
- In times that I start to find myself gossiping or wanting to gossip, I will stop mid sentence. I have completely changed subjects with people before so avoid it.
- Recently I needed to step away from influencers who shared news/updates about others lives. At the end of the day, none of us need to be participating in reading or watching others’ lives for entertainment and views.
Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life: he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
Proverbs 13:3
Out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
James 3:10
Being unforgiving and holding grudges
When someone wrongs you, what is the first thing you think about? I don’t know about you but for me.. I want to take matters into my own hands and take revenge. I spent so much of my life holding onto the things that people did to me, the wrongs they committed against me that it started to create intense bitterness inside me. I spent so much of my time wondering and pondering how I could “get them back”. I thought that if I took revenge that I would feel better about myself, when in truth.. if revenge happened, it only made me feel even more bitter and angry inside. God clearly states that revenge is not ours, it’s HIS. I knew that if I wanted to live in freedom and peace, that I needed to forgive the people who hurt me, even if they didn’t stay in my life. I have learned that forgiveness is not for them, but for me. Walking in forgiveness has made me see just how much God has forgiven me. Who am I to be unforgiving when God Himself has forgiven me of all of my sins through Jesus? It truly humbled me and I started seeing others as God’s sons and daughters, whether they were following Christ or not. Some days it’s hard, forgiveness is not a one and done type of thing, you have to choose to forgive everyday. When I start to think about the wrongdoings others have committed against me, before I start to give in to the anger that comes with it, I have to go into prayer and ask God to put forgiveness in my heart. I ask Him to help me feel at peace, and know that I no longer live in bondage with any of it. Some days I handle it better than others, but I know that God works in me daily.
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 6:14-15
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31-32
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15
Porn and smut books
The first time I remember seeing porn was at a sleepover, I was in 5th grade and had no idea that porn even existed until that moment. That night changed my life for years, it started an addiction that I wouldn’t realize was destroying me until I was almost thirty years old. As time went on, and many sleepovers later I was exposed to porn multiple times, some from kids my age and some from people much older than me. Over time I started watching it more and more to where I was watching it everyday. Porn truly changes the way your brain works, every time you watch it your brain releases dopamine and over time it can make normal, healthy intimacy feel “boring”. As time went on, I got into reading and most of what I read was explicit. Both of these combined made me feel that I wasn’t satisfied in my relationship with my now husband. I felt that what the people in the videos and books were doing was better than what I was doing. Which intimately wasn’t true, what I was reading and watching wasn’t normal or a picture of reality. I found myself annoyed and frustrated in all areas of my life because of these two things. If my time with it was interrupted, I felt intense anger and lashed out on my family. Like all sin, it left me angry and empty. I remember it was within a week after giving my life to Christ, I went to go read the book I was in the middle of at the time and the minute I started reading it I got an intense icky feeling and had to stop reading it. After that day I never went back to either of them. Is the temptation still there at times, yes. There’s always temptation to sin, but leaning on Jesus and His strength is what helps me to turn away from it.
Experiencing sexual trauma at a young age played a huge part in how I viewed sex, porn and all things intimate. I felt a huge need for control in that area and watching porn made me feel as if I was regaining back that control I felt I lost. It shaped how I’m a mother to my children today. I experienced extreme anxiety after I had my daughter and that everyone around her was going to harm her. I experienced intense intrusive thoughts that made me think everyone around her and I was untrustworthy. It wasn’t until I came out of that I realized just how much I needed to heal from all the sexual trauma I experienced at a young age.
But God. He did. And still continues to save me daily.
You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, “for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
If you made it this far, thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me. I pray that this reading blesses you to seek God and allow Him to change you in so many ways.
STAY BLESSED.