MEET EMILY PT. 2

Next thing I know, 2013 rolls around and I’m graduating high school.. Barely if we’re being honest. I had no plans on doing anything with my life, I was good right where I was at.. partying and getting as messed up as possible. By November of that year, I started dating my boyfriend, who would eventually become my husband and my children’s father. If we’re being honest.. I cringe at how we used to be. It actually makes me sick to think about some of the things and situations we would get ourselves into. The way we used to act was anything but biblical. To this day I know it was the Lord that kept us safe and made sure we lasted to see the beautiful life we created together. We fell in love so quickly, we talked everyday and we were together as much as we could be. Within a few months all of that changed, we started fighting, my husband lost his job and went through health issues, he became severely depressed and I didn’t know how to help him at all. I was working at a pizza place, making little income and paying all of the bills that we had at the time. Yet.. we still found ways to go party, smoke marijuana and buy things we shouldn’t have been buying. 

We moved in together right after our two year anniversary, my mother lost her house and we decided it would be best to get our own place. We had little to nothing, we didn’t even have a bed to bring with us. For the first couple months we slept on a blow up mattress or our couch, that we also were given for free. Almost everything we had was secondhand, and still.. We were so excited to have our own place, but so nervous.  As the next few years went on we lived in a state of toxic behavior towards each other. We would fight, it would blow up to a level it shouldn’t have gotten to, and then we would make up and pretend like nothing happened. For years we lived like that, getting high, fighting, making up and repeating the cycle over and over again. All we did was work and party. We thought we were living the way two “young adults” were supposed to be living. 

By 2020.. I know, the pandemic era. By this time I had started college and was a couple years in, we got engaged, we stopped partying and getting high. Some might say.. we were maturing and becoming adults. I was still into the new age spirituality stuff still. Now as I look at our home now and what it was before and the stuff I allowed in.. there’s so much light and love in here now, whereas before, there was so much darkness. If we’re being honest I’m not sure how it really happened, but we had decided to start a family. Right as we made that decision, the pandemic started.. We thought that would be the most complicated part of our story. Little did we know it was only the beginning. I would go on to experience multiple miscarriages, find out I have a blood clotting disorder and needed to be put on medications to be able to carry my babies to full term. I went through two miscarriages before I gave birth to my daughter. When I first saw her the entire world made sense and also not at all. I was so in love with her and in awe of how perfect she was and I couldn’t believe that I had been blessed to be her mother. 

Becoming a mother truly humbled me, while I was pregnant I had this entire plan in my mind of how it would go.. and go smoothly at that. All of you who are mothers know, it doesn’t usually go the way you want it to. I struggled a lot after I had my daughter and it caused a lot of fighting and strife between my husband and I. He had no idea what I was going through and I had no idea how to tell him what I was experiencing. It pulled us apart from each other in so many ways. By the time our daughter was eight months old I was pregnant again, and experienced another miscarriage and then again by the time she was twelve months, but this time I would go on to have my son in March of 2023. He was the little missing piece to our family, we loved being parents and at the end of the day we truly did love each other.. We were stuck living in our own sin and trauma both of us refused to properly deal with. Just like how most cycles are, we started arguing and becoming miserable around each other once again. I found myself at square one..  miserable, anxious, depressed and empty inside. I was an angry woman, wife and mother and I knew that I needed a miracle if I was going to fix my life.

To be continued.. 

If you’ve made it this far and you are coming back I want to take a moment and tell you thank you, that I truly appreciate it and I cannot wait to take you all on this journey and where this blog takes all of us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that each and every one of you that reads this knows how important and loved you are. 

Some scripture i have been leaning on this week: 

• Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
• Isaiah 43:19 “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”