Guilt and shame as a Christian.

Have you ever been filled with guilt and shame? Or have you ever felt you don’t belong at church, or around fellow Christians because of that guilt and shame? 

If you have, you aren’t alone. I have been a Christian for almost two years now and every time I get into the parking lot of the place where my family and I consider to be a second home, I’m filled with intense anxiety and fear. I’m tempted to turn back and go home, skipping out on whatever event is planned that day. Thoughts flooded through my mind that tell me I’m not good enough to be here, that I will never be “as good” or “as saved” as the community around me.  

Does any of this resonate with you? If so, keep reading..

From the moment I became a Christian and started surrounding myself around other Christians, I always felt this separation from them, that they had something I didn’t. Like I didn’t belong.. 

Over the last year and a half I would make simple comments about how I’m “rough” around the edges and that I’m “different” than everyone else. Not for attention seeking, self pity or to make it all about me.. I did it because I truly felt that I didn’t belong among all of these people who had this “brightness” and “light” about them. I felt that I was too far gone to even be on the same level of faith and relationship with God that everyone else had. The thoughts didn’t stop there, they crept into not only parts of my day, but it started to affect my day to day life. I was starting to dread going to church, a place I felt would be my home away from home. I felt more alone in the place where I was supposed to feel the most welcomed and loved. Every Sunday I would tell my husband that we shouldn’t be going here, we don’t “fit in” with everyone here. After so many prayers of just getting him to come to service on Sundays, just as quickly as we started going.. I was ruining it because of the lies from the enemy. I started to become extremely anxious about teaching my children about Jesus, that if I said one wrong thing they would turn away from Him. Or that if I wasn’t the best wife and mother that day, I would become extremely fearful that the next time we went to church, everyone around me would know that I had yelled at my children the day before.. Or even the morning of (you guys know the Sunday morning rush to get to church on time for the service lol) and they would look down on me for not having that gentle and quiet spirit we as women are “supposed” to have. 

I did, and some days still allow the enemy to get into my mind and make me think that I don’t belong and that I should go back to my old life, or that I’m too far gone for Jesus to save me so why bother trying. Almost weekly over the last year and a half I have questioned my salvation and if I’m really saved, how could God FORGIVE ME? How would JESUS die for someone like ME. It’s so easy to tell the people around you to not let the enemy take hold of your thoughts, to stay in prayer and to put on the full armor of God daily.. But some days.. The days where you are stretched thin between motherhood, household duties, work obligations and the needs of all those around you, it’s easy for the enemy to slip in.

Some ways i have been taught and have learned myself over the last year and a half to stand strong against the devil and his schemes: 

1. Staying in God’s word, daily. Even if it’s just a few verses of your favorite book in the Bible.
2. STAY IN PRAYER, any time you have a thought, need, want, worry, fear, etc. pray about it. I like to have a prayer journal, not only to keep me focused but to also be able to look back on answered prayers. (Also, if you’re anything like me and get distracted.. Plus little ones, it’s easy to be in the middle of prayer and sidetracked with what you’ll make for dinner tonight or become busy with tending to your children). 
3. Listening to worship music. This has always been my go to when I don’t have the words to pray, I will sing worship songs with my children and allow the Holy Spirit to fill our home. 
4. GO TO YOUR FELLOW CHURCH COMMUNITY, I cannot stress this one enough. I would not be where I am today without the love and care of my church community. I love them dearly and they have done so much for me and my family. 

Some days I’m good at doing the things I mentioned above, and some days I’m not. I’m going to assume that anyone who reads this is also the same. (no judgement, only love lol). 

Here are some ways I have found to stay consistent.. 

1. Going to a group bible study. This was the first thing I did. I joined the women’s bible study at my church and I have taken so much knowledge, wisdom, and friendships from it.
2. Going to service every week. This might not be for everyone, but for my husband and myself, we find that making sure we make it to church almost always (besides when sickness hits the home, if you know, you know lol) starts our week off great and it motivates us to stay in God’s word more. 
3. AGAIN, STAY CLOSE TO YOUR CHURCH COMMUNITY. I don’t think I can stress this enough. Even when it’s hard, reach out. Put away any pride and self pity; If you would do it for them, they will also do the same. 

Even as Christians, it can be hard to be vulnerable with other fellow Christians, and people in general. I have come to realize that it’s because most of us think that if we don’t have it all together in front of people, then we can’t lead unbelievers to Jesus. You want everyone to see the best version of you, and want to hide all of the broken parts of you and show everyone you have it together. I felt this way for a while now, I wanted everyone to see that I was okay and that I was growing in my faith. When in reality, I was struggling, and still am some days. 

I came from a background of being involved in the occult and to this day I’m still working through not feeling guilty and shameful when people learn of my testimony. After talking to a dear friend of mine, she made me realize that all of these thoughts were lies from the enemy and to not compare myself with other fellow believers. And that even someone who has been a Christian all their lives struggle with sin. 

So, after all this.. how do we stop from being consumed by shame and guilt? 

Well for starters, WE can’t do it on our own.. 

1. Replace lies with TRUTH. Any time you get thoughts(the lies from the enemy) of shame and guilt.. go straight to your Bible and read what GOD says about you. 
2. Think of Jesus; I know it sounds cliche.. but do it. Think of every piece of the story about the crucifixion and all that HE endured for US. (It brings me tears of gratitude every time). 
3. Make my life less about ME and more about JESUS. 
4. Surrender your anxieties, guilt, and shame to Him. This one is hard, it’s not a one time thing.. It’s a daily action, sometimes multiple times a day. Let Jesus take those feelings and allow Him to give you THE TRUTH. 

We are forgiven not by anything we have done or will do, but by the GRACE that GOD has freely given us through Jesus. He loves you so much and I pray if anyone questions this the way I have, I pray that you find strength in Jesus and look to Him for guidance and truth. 

If you have gotten this far, thank you. It means so much. I pray this reading blesses you. 

Here’s some scripture I have been keeping close to my heart lately: 

Romans 8:1 — “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Matthew 11:28 — “Come to me, all who are labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” 

1 John 1:9 — “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 — “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” 

James 4:7 — “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”  

STAY BLESSED.